Today, two weeks into it the exchange with Paul has ended. I decided that relationships require a two week trial period to correctly evaluate the situation and determine if it coincides with my personal moral and emotional structure. Unfortunately, the situation with Paul didn’t pass the test. It was going great until the awkward conversation last week… after that he got “busy”.
We made plans for the weekend but he got shifty about it. Originally our date was Friday night, and then he asked to change it to Saturday. When I told him I had plans with friends Saturday but would like for him to come along, he asked to change it to Sunday. Then Friday came along and he asked me during the day if I had plans that evening. He would be getting off work early and wanted to see me, but at 8:30 I finally heard from him saying he wouldn’t be able to make it.
Then Sunday rolled around. At 11am he said he just finished work and he needed a nap but after that we would do dinner. Finally at 5 he logged onto his instant messager and I waited, giving him time to contact me first before messaging him. When I finally did he was going on about how he only had 2 hours of sleep, but he still wanted to go out. I immediately identified this as him trying to play the martyr so I took the bait and asked him if he was sure he was up to it. Again, he tried to move the date but I had lost my patience.
I asked him if he had time for a boyfriend – and beyond that point I’m not sure what happened. He got defensive, I was staying calm and trying to communicate openly but he logged offline. Then today I got several text messages from him… and really it makes me loose respect for a conversation when someone tries to do it through text instead of actually picking up the same phone they sent the text on and having the conversation directly. So, finally after my thumbs started to get tired, I suggested that we get to know each other as friends then maybe give a relationship a try again later when we’re both in better positions.
I haven’t heard back from him since. At two weeks there were too many questions. I questioned his honesty. I questioned his motives. I questioned everything, more than I normally do. Everything about the situation said that I shouldn’t be in it so I ended it.
So many relationships, I’ve found, burn very hot at first then fizzle out into a boring situation. Personally I’m not comfortable with going from passionate and intense, then quickly moving right into the “we’ve been together for years and now its boring” phase.
This is why I think it’s important to understand your dating style and fine tune it. You have to evaluate what you do each time you enter a relationship. How well does that work for you? Are you comfortable when you meet someone, or are you a complete wreck waiting by the phone?
I’ve noticed that the slower one takes a situation the easier it is to both progress into higher levels of intimacy or part ways if things aren’t meshing well. It’s important to wait before letting your guard down and inviting someone fully into your life. It’s a fine line between keeping a healthy guard and not letting anyone in but you have to find the comfortable medium in which you can give gradually as you take.
I didn’t really do this with Paul. I thought it would be fun to try it, just dive right in and let myself fall. It turned out to be a shallow hole to fall into though, the first week being exciting and active, the next being cold and absent. So instead of being in a casual relationship where I could easily just dismiss the situation and back off, I squandered myself into an exclusive relationship with someone that I hadn’t fully evaluated if I needed to be with or not.
